No really. I am.
At least technically I am.
Or, better put, I struggle with anxiety which at times is mixed with depression. So yeah, I am a little bit crazy.
And I forget things. A lot. Just ask Danielle if you don’t believe me. She’ll confirm it in a heartbeat. And it always seems to be the things she NEEDS me to remember. It’s almost like I try so hard to not forget that I end up forgetting. Go figure.
But I digress. Living with anxiety and depression is the worst. I would probably rank it right under living with a terminal physical illness. And this might sound harsh, but if you’ve never experienced it, you don’t understand, at least not fully.
And I’m speaking from my point of view. I can’t imagine the toll it has taken on Danielle during the 3-4 significant bouts I’ve had since we’ve been married. I can’t say “thank you” enough to her for sticking it out with me. Many other women would have left, and honestly, I wouldn’t fault them for it.
When Danielle refers to herself has crazy, I think of it more as OCD/control issues. Not literally crazy. Maybe annoying would be a better word, but you didn’t hear that from me.
So while her “crazy” is trying to deal with at times, I think it pales in comparison to what she went through standing by my side. Let me give you a little glimpse.
It’s Monday morning. 7:15 AM. The alarm has been on snooze at least 3 times now. My side of the bed is drenched in sweat, and I’ve been up off and on since 4 AM. My stomach is knotted up unbelievably tight, and the though of just getting ready for the day is a daunting, if not impossible, task. Imagine thinking everyone is upset at you or that every little thing you do is wrong. You constantly second-guess yourself. You’ve been going to the gym for a month or so, but now it’s been 3 months, and you haven’t canceled your membership, because that would be “giving up” and really admitting you have a problem.
Welcome to my world from August 2012 through February 2013.
That’s a small glimpse of what Danielle lived with for half a year. HALF A YEAR. She’s a saint in my book.
Of the two of us, I’m the crazy one. But I’m glad my best friend is fighting with me.
July 3, 2013
I get it completely… Except for 13 years. It helps me to know we aren’t alone…. And our spouses are incredible for putting up with us!
July 6, 2013
Please know you are not alone. I too suffer from anxiety and depression, and my partner does as well, with PTSD to boot. The right meds can be key, as well as a therapist as needed. And are you familiar with NAMI? There is a chapter in Tioga County. We have discussed attending some meetings to support the organization that does so many vital things.